5 Signs Your Communication Is Hurting Your Relationships (Personally and Professionally)

Communication can build bridges—or burn them to the ground.

My mother used to always say, “It’s not WHAT you say, it’s HOW you say it,” which taught me a valuable lesson about tone and how it impacts communication. When I said, “Why can’t I go to the party? You always say NO about everything I want to do!” with an attitude, she doubled-down on saying No. It wouldn’t just be “No” for that party but for the next three things I asked to do. When I would demand to know why, she’d say, “One day you’re gonna learn. You catch more bees with honey than with vinegar.” (another way of saying “It’s not WHAT you say, but HOW you say it.”) Of course, as a teenager I didn’t give a rat's you-know-what about how I said something, it didn’t matter. In my mind, she was just going to say “No!” anyway. And I definitely wasn’t trying to catch bees!

There’s a reason they say, “with age comes wisdom.” I finally got what my mother had been trying to teach me all those years the day before my wedding. I was totally unaware of the fact that I’d become a Bridezilla. We’d gone to the reception hall to make sure things were set up according to plan. They weren’t and I blew a gasket. But, for some reason, before I launched into my attack on the wedding planner I glanced over at my mother. She had this look on her face that told me to check my tone before I opened my mouth. She might have also been telling me not to embarrass myself or her, in the process. I took heed.

I calmly asked the wedding planner what her intentions were and to see if they aligned with what I told her I wanted. They didn’t. In fact, I couldn’t help thinking if she’d even heard me when I explained my vision. That’s when I lost it. I didn’t care how the words came out. I repeated myself LOUDLY, enunciating each word as if I was talking to a child. Out of my peripheral view, I saw my mother shake her head and walk out of the room. At the same time, my aunt came over and explained that the wedding planner was going to do exactly what I’d asked but she’d added some things that I hadn’t anticipated. I was so embarrassed I immediately apologized and went in search of my mother. When she saw me coming she said, “You have two ears and one mouth for a reason. Now go sit down somewhere and think about yourself.”

It wasn’t an easy lesson to learn but it was one that lasted much longer than the marriage. Here it is in a nutshell:

It’s not just about what you say—it’s how you listen, how you show up, and how you make others feel. Whether you’re leading a team, navigating friendships, parenting a child, or building a partnership, the way you communicate is either strengthening or straining the relationship. And here’s the kicker: Most people think they’re good communicators. But often, they’re unaware of subtle habits that cause misunderstandings, resentment, or disengagement—at home and at work.

Here are 5 signs your communication might be hurting your relationships (and what you can start doing instead):

1. You listen to respond—not to understand.

If you find yourself mentally crafting your reply before the other person finishes speaking, you’re not truly listening. Or, if you get stuck on something they’re saying (either because you don’t understand or agree with it) and you start making meaning of what you think they meant, you’re definitely not listening. This creates missed opportunities for connection and can leave others feeling unheard or dismissed.

Try this instead: Listen open-mindedly, without an agenda. Pause before you respond. Sometimes what’s needed most is presence, not a perfectly worded reply.

2. You avoid uncomfortable conversations.

Silence isn’t always golden. When important things go unsaid, trust erodes and resentment grows. Whether it’s feedback for a colleague or a vulnerable conversation with a loved one, avoiding discomfort often creates greater tension down the road. You’ve probably experienced this before. The silence gets explained away as “everything is fine” until so many silent moments build up and “fine” becomes an explosion that you didn’t even see coming. Even when you’re the one exploding.

Try this instead: Lean into vulnerability. Speak with empathy and curiosity. Release your fear - because fear is nothing more than false evidence appearing real. Remember: Healthy relationships are strengthened through courageous conversations.

3. You assume you’ve been clear.

Just because you think you’ve communicated something clearly doesn’t mean it was received that way. In teams and families alike, unspoken assumptions often lead to frustration and misalignment.

Try this instead: Check for understanding. Ask, “Does that make sense?” or “What’s your takeaway from this?” Clarity is a two-way street.

4. You focus more on being right than being connected.

When winning the argument becomes more important than nurturing the relationship, connection suffers. This dynamic shows up in boardrooms and at dinner tables alike.

Try this instead: Prioritize understanding over being right. Ask yourself, “Do I want to be correct—or do I want to be connected?”

5. You underestimate the power of tone and body language.

Research shows that 93% of communication is nonverbal. Even if your words sound fine, as my mother taught me, your tone, facial expressions, and posture may tell a very different story—often unintentionally.

Try this instead: Tune into your presence. Are you showing up with openness? Calm? Warmth? Your energy speaks volumes, even before you say a word. If you’re not sure, assess how the other person is receiving you. Are they braced for a fight or they open, anticipating what you may say? If it’s the former, check yourself. They are picking up what you’re putting out energetically. And, as my mother suggested, go sit down somewhere and think about yourself.

The Bottom Line:

Communication isn’t just a skill—it’s a process. One that starts from within.

Whether you lead teams, nurture personal relationships, or simply want to create more meaningful connections in your life, learning how to truly listen, stay open, embrace vulnerability, and practice empathy can transform the way you relate to others—and the results you create.

That’s why I teach The Process to LOVE—a human-centered approach to communication that helps individuals and teams connect more deeply, lead more powerfully, and collaborate more effectively.

Want to explore how The Process to LOVE can elevate your leadership, your team, or your relationships? Start by taking the LOVE IQ quiz!

Or set up a FREE consult call to start the conversation.

Because better communication isn’t just good for business—it’s good for life. ❤️